i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Two words: nipple clamps
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