if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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