sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
