Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
