I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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