Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
