I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
