I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
