bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize