i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
