I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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