Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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