Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
