The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
