Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
