She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize