he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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