fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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