And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
