Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
