There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
