Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
