I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
