just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
