I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
