On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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