He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
