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• (248): View more from Michigan

  In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer

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• (209): View more from California

  do you want me to make hamburgers?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  i'm vegan

  (209): View more from California

  i'll put lettuce on them

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together

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• (972): View more from Texas

  Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today

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• (813): View more from Florida

  He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome

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• (801): View more from Utah

  my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.

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