life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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