New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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