Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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