also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The air was thick with penises
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
