I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
