If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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