is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
