i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
