I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
