All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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