Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
