Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
