Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
