If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
