In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
