i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
