i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Your dad touched me again.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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