There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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