im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize