More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize