don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
