youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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