im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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