apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
