i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My vagina just recognized that song.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
