you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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