I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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