Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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