I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
