i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Randomize
