are you so shy because you have an std?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
