I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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