we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
