and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
