Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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