will power is for people who don't want to get laid
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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