Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
