David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We need to get me chipped asap
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
send nudes
from the living room?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
