i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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