Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
