Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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