Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i don't like sucking hair
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
