Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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