i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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