I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
