There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think people are normalizing furries
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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