this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
