eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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