i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
