he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
