You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
