He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
