Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
