I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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