Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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