C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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