i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
