i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
