I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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