get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
