im six kinds of drunk right now
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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