i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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