So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
handjob tips. give me some.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
