There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize