He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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