who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
