There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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