It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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