Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
