I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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