Where are you?
In a non slutty way
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize