What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
