its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
And then he peed in my hair
There's even glitter on my cock...
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