I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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