I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
