We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
PANTIES FOUND
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
