Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
