I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
