is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
