I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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