why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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